The Invisible Man

One man's story about being generally undesirable as a single male

Is This Thing On?

That's the famous phrase a comedian says when he's on stage telling his best jokes but he's getting nothing back from the crowd. Assuming the problem isn't his material or delivery, the comedian starts wondering if maybe the microphone isn't working and the people can't hear him. His experience tells him the audience should be roaring but instead the room is silent, as if he isn't even there. That's pretty much my dating life in a nutshell.

If I lived in a remote rural area or if I were afraid to "put myself out there" I could better understand this inability to meet someone new. But I live in a large, densely-populated city with people all around me every day. I have friends, I go to social events and I'm somewhat active in the community. Yet when it comes to the prospect of dating it feels like I am shrouded by an invisible cloak that isolates me from everyone, as if I can somehow be alone in a sea of people.

Am I Normal?

When you find that "the microphone is working" then what do you do? What if you seem to be doing everything normally but nothing seems normal? What if years go by and for one reason or another you simply never meet anyone new, nobody enters your life, paths aren't crossed, stars aren't aligned, sparks aren't made?

One can't help but to come to the conclusion that there must be something wrong, that you just aren't "normal" because normal people don't wait years to meet someone new. You don't know if you're trying too hard or not trying enough, but day after day it feels like people are staring right through you as if you are invisible.

In fact I'm not a normal guy. I'm decidedly above-average, and in many ways I'm exceptional. I'm smart, emotional, compassionate and funny. I don't think I'm physically unattractive and I'm in decent health. I'm hard-working and successful but make time for life. I'm not an extreme risk-taker but I'm not boring. I like to have fun but I have responsibilities in life and I manage them well. I'm quirky and in some ways finicky but I'm also accommodating and patient. I can be personable and outgoing in appropriate settings and have at times been told I have a magnetic personality.

So no, I don't see myself as average or normal, at least not in a boring sense. Yet if I had to sum up how I feel I am perceived on first glance by random strangers, I'd have to assume that I'm probably "generally undesirable".

So despite the crowded streets, social outings, extracurricular activities, dating apps and everything else going on in life, why does it seem that when it comes to the prospect of meeting someone new I seem to be invisible? Why do I feel like the character in "The Sixth Sense" who realizes that despite thinking he was continuously interacting with society he was actually just a spirit having a net-zero effect on the people around him?

The Solution is...

We're trained to expect that at the end of the blog post, podcast or television episode that there is a conclusion revealing the cause of the problem and a solution that will make everything better. But at least in my case I've gone years without the reveal; I can't ever seem to find the call-to-action that tells me what I'm doing wrong or what kind of change to my physiology will help.

I just keep waking up the next day and wondering whether I'm being unrealistic, shooting too high or if I just need to continue to wait for the hand of fate to intercede. But waiting so long grows tiresome and disheartening to a point where just being "out of the game" can keep you out of the game.

The only thing I'm sure of is that everything I've been doing isn't working. The only advice that seems to make any sense is to try something counter-intuitive to shake things up.

Hard Pill to Swallow

Personally I have come to the conclusion that I probably have no idea why people show such a disinterest in me, and that trying to fix a problem you can't identify is pointless. I need to know why total strangers maintain their distance from me even at first glance. I need to know what their true first impressions of me really are. I'm probably not going to like the answer, but not knowing is even worse.

I need honest opinion and feedback even if it's not what I want to hear. I need the kind of advice that friends and family won't give. I need to know how I am perceived on first glance by random strangers.

Finding Truth

Truth can be elusive; truth is not necessarily factual, it can be an opinion. Or worse, it can be many people's opinions, and random strangers can be harsh critics. But if we really want to know how we are being perceived by society we need to be prepared to accept some rather uncomfortable comments about ourselves. We need to hear the ugly truth!

This website contains posts from people that had enough desire to rectify their public perception that they were willing to share their profile photo and a brief description of why they felt they were undateable. Then public strangers sent them free messages describing how they felt their image could be improved. The hopeful result is that the culmination of those comments gave them guidance on how they could better their chances to meet people in the future.

The purpose of this website is to help people discover why they feel "undateable" and to eliminate the gap that they feel exists between society and themselves.

Make the Change

This website won't promise answers, but what it will promise is action. By posting yourself here you are 100% guaranteed to get real responses from real people. These responders may be interested in you, or they may just want to give you advice. But one thing is for sure, something will happen unlike typical dating apps where you swipe endlessly only to receive nothing meaningful in return.

All you need to do to start breaking your cycle is to enter your email address here. We will send you a link to get started immediately!